SHUNYA: NOTHING AND EVERYTHING
Kuru Kshetra Battlefield.
Day
17 of the Great Kuru War, seven thousand five hundred years ago.
Death
is hot.
That
surprises me. I’d imagined death as cold and brutal. Merciless. But in truth, death
is hot as blood, and constant like a heartbeat.
Thrum. Thrum. Thrum. My lifeblood ebbs to the
rhythm. My head ripped from its torso by Anjalika,
the arrow of death that burns even now with the energy of the sun. Struck from
behind like some novice. Felled in battle by that lily-livered usurper the
Heavens smile upon—Prince Arjun. Brother Arjun.
What have I done?
I
harness the thought. Cease all reflection and wrench free of my mortal body. I
soar up, up into the gloaming, snapping the ties that tether me to life. Dead,
I have no use for ties.
“A
matter of perspective, Karna, O son of my godsire.” The unearthly words strum
through the air, and I quiver like a plucked bowstring, overcome as much by the
voice as its blasphemous claim. “Bonds of devotion nourish the soul, brother.”
There
is that word again. Brother. Unpleasant
laughter wells up in me. Alive, I am abandoned, denied my birthright—Celestial
or royal. Death, it seems, changes everything.
A
bright, nebulous light brings forth Lord Yama, the God of Death, atop his
divine mount. His elephantine thighs ripple beneath a silken dhoti, ochre and crimson of color, as he
guides the mammoth water buffalo to a halt. An iron medallion sways against the
God’s powerful cerulean torso, its center stone an ethereal blood orange.
Hypnotic.
Pulsing with life. I am drawn to the stone.
“Piteous
waste,” Lord Yama mutters, surveying the carnage of war far below us.
I
trace the trajectory of his gaze and behold the battered remains of my army
drenched in the evidence of its mortality. Is it true? Have we died in vain?
Words
form inside me and I will them out. “Shall we go, my lord?”
“Ha!
Impatient to be judged, are you? Anxious to have your fate revealed?” asks the
Judge of the Hell Realm. His red-black eyes burn with intelligence and
compassion in a blue-tinged face that is long and lean and hard. “Rest easy,
brother-warrior. You are not bound for the Great Courtroom.”
Not bound for Hell? Where then? Fear has eluded me for so
long that I take a moment to recognize it. A hollow-bellied feeling it is, as
annoying as a bone stuck in my throat.
“My
lord, I have done bad deeds…terrible deeds in my life. I have waged wars, this
horrendous bloodshed, and all
because my pride could not—would not abide rejection. I have sinned. I must
atone for my actions.”
Lord
Yama smiles in a way I do not like. “You have redeemed yourself admirably, Karna.
You forfeited your life for the greater good today. The deed far outweighs any misguided
ones. Be at peace, brother, and enjoy the fruits of your karma.”
There
is but one place to enjoy such fruits—the Higher Worlds.
I’d
rather burn in Hell for eternity. I say so. “I won’t live amongst the
Celestials.” Coexisting with the very souls who’ve spurned me is unthinkable. Watching
her—for she would surely reside in
Heaven soon—will be eternal torture.
Yama
shakes his head, the horns on his crown slashing to and fro. “I thought you
might say that. Relax. Your destiny lies elsewhere.”
“Am
I to be reborn then? Am I to begin a new life, and forget the past?” Pain,
sharp as a blade, lances through me at the thought. Forget my past? My family? Even
her? Was that my punishment? To forget all that made me human?
It
must be so. For have I not betrayed them as surely as I’ve betrayed my prince
regent?
“Human rebirth is not your
destiny, either. You are chosen, brother. Your war skills are needed for a
higher purpose.” The God slips off his mount, his garments rustling in
agitation. “This unjust war has pushed the Cosmos to the vortex of a cataclysm.
Tomorrow, the Kuru War will end. Fearing its outcome, the Celestials rolled the
Die of Fate and have unwittingly bestowed on Demon Kali untold powers.” Lord
Yama bares his fangs in disgust at the foolish gamble. “Imagine the havoc that asura and his minions will wreak on the
weak if left unchecked. The Human Realm must be safeguarded during Kali’s dark
reign.”
I can imagine the horror only
too well as I have battled with evil all my life. But I am done with wars. I am
done with defeat. I won’t waste another lifetime fighting.
“With due respect, my lord, I
am not the man for this task.”
“You are not a man at all,” Yama thunders, fists
shaking. “You are the son of Surya, the Sun God. Accept that you are no
ordinary soul.”
I say nothing. I think
nothing. I feel something but I
squash it down.
Lord Yama’s thick black brows
draw together. “Demon Kali will try to pervade every particle of good that
exists in the Cosmos, beginning with the corruptible Human Realm. Once he
obliterates all of humanity, he’ll set his sights on the Celestials. Kali will
not stop until he’s destroyed our way of life. But you can stop him. You are
light to his darkness. Do you understand now why you had to betray him? Your
beloved humans need you, Karna. I need you. Our father believes in you. Claim
your rightful place in the Cosmos.”
Impatiently, Lord Yama removes
the iron medallion from his neck and holds it out. The vermillion sunstone
glows as if its soul is on fire. Nay! It is my soul that is on fire.
Indescribable energy curls
through me. I gasp, though not in pain. I shudder and feel myself grow large,
grow hot. Was this rebirth?
I am strong, full-bodied and
lethal once more. Then I roar as light bursts forth from my very core and I throb
with glorious, blinding power. When I come to myself, my world has changed
again. Bubbles of color shimmer all around me: cobalt and saffron, azure and
rose. By karma! They are souls. Infinite floating souls.
“Behold
the spectrum of life: the worthy, the notorious, the righteous and the
sinners.” The God of Death’s soul was a worthy sapphire blue with a tinge of
silver. “Your duty, should you choose to accept the office of the Soul Warrior,
is to hunt down the red-souled asuras and
crush them. Whatever you decide, I wish you a long and successful Celestial existence,
Karna,” Yama booms out and vanishes into the purpling sky.
The
parley has stunned me. The world of color holds me in thrall. I was dead. Yet, now
I am not. A new path lies before me. Unwanted,
unwelcome, I insist on principle. I close my eyes. Open them to stare at
the medallion cupped in my hand—a golden-hued hand at once familiar and not—and
know myself for a fool. I do want this. It’s what I am.
Bastard-born.
Rebel. Son. Husband. Father. Warlord. And protector. I fist the talisman,
buoyed by its concrete warmth. This is
who I am.
I
am the Soul Warrior.
Excerpt from SOUL WARRIOR © FALGUNI KOTHARI